The Tao of Internet Relay Chat
is formed by the electrons, born in the silent cable. Shaping
and growing and ungrowing. It is there yet not there. It is
the source of Internet Relay Chat. I do not know the name,
thus I will call it the Tao of Internet Relay Chat.
the Tao is great, then the IRC is running ceaselessly. If
the IRC is great then the server is running without ever stoping.
If the server is great then the client will always be the
server. The luser is then pleased and there is Chat in the
Tao of IRC squits far away and connects on returning.
genetic potential of birth, a lot to know, yet unknown.
the begining there was nothing.
of nothing the Tao gave birth to tolsun.oulu.fi. tolsun gave
birth to OuluBox.
gave birth to rmsg.
was not Tao, so MUT gave birth to IRC.
one knows when IRC came into existance, the mighty master
WiZ have it to be at the end of the eight month in the year
of the Dragon.
channel has its purpose, however humble. Each channel is the
Yin and Yang of IRC. Each channels has it's place within the
the beginning there was only channel 0, thus channel 0 is
the soil of IRC.
1 to channel 10 then was open as the sea. Channel 11 to 999
was the trees and forests of IRC. Channels above 999 should
not be mentioned, and channels below 0 were unborn and contained
was not the right Tao, so IRC gave birth to +channels.
had the yin and yang. Mode does not.
was not the right Tao still, so IRC gave birth to #channels.
have the yin and yang.
channel 0 is the right path to Tao, but avoid speaking on
was a great dispute among the Broom-Walkers of the Relay.
Some of them wanted neither yin nor yang. Out of this Eris
came into existance. Some of the Broom-Walkers then created
was the right Tao.
Gentle and Boring Net was another wrong path to the Tao of
Internet Relay Chat.
time later there was a quantity of some lusers who wanted
to be Broom-Walkers also. The Eris Free Broom-Walkers did
not agree with them, thus a new IRC was born. This IRC is
called the Undernet.
this is not the right Tao, either.
will always be disputes among the Broom-Walkers of Internet
is the very nature of the IRC.
that do not understand the Tao is always using the yang of
Mode on their channels. Lusers that do understand the Tao
are always using Ignore on their channels.
could this not be so ?
wise sage luser is told about the Chat and uses it. The luser
is told about the IRC and is looking for it. The flock are
told about the Tao and make a fool of the IRC.
there was no laughter, there would be no Tao.
master says: "Without the Tao of Internet Relay Chat, life
Relay of the old time was mysterious and sacred. We can neither
imagine its thoughts nor path; we are left but to describe.
sage luser must be aware like a frog crossing the highway.
great master Wumpus once dreamed that he was an automaton.
When he awoke he exclaimed: "I don't know whether I am Wumpus
dreaming that I am a client, or a client dreaming that I am
was the first Automata born.
master Nap then said: "Any automata should not speak unless
spoken to. Any automata shall only whisper when spoken to."
lusers have fallen into the clutches of ethernal damnation.
They where not following the Tao.
once was a luser who went to #BotSex. Each day he saw the
automatons. The luser decided that he also would have such
a automata. He asked another luser for his automata. The other
luser gave his automata away.
luser was not within the Tao, so he just started the automata.
The automata had only Yang inside so all the lusers files
moons laither the same luser then had become a sage luser,
and did create his automata from the very grounds with materials
found inside the IRC. The luser was now within the Tao and
his automata lived happily ever after.
once was a master who wrote automatons without the help of
master Phone. A novice luser, seeking to imitate him, began
with the help of master Phone. When the novice luser asked
the master to evaluate his automata the master replied: "What
is a working automata for the master is not for the luser.
You must must BE the IRC before automating."
BigCheese gave birth to master Troy; his duty clear. Master
Troy gave birth to master Phone, for the Tao of Irc must be
eternal and must flow as the ceaseless river of Time itself.
Phone once said about the ircII client: "public_msg is for
a message from someone NOT on the channel public_other is
for a message on a channel that doesn't belong to a window.
public is for a message on a channel that belongs to a window!"
of this raised the mighty chaos.
sage luser came to the master who wrote automata without the
help of master Phone. The sage luser asked the master who
wrote automata: "Which is easiest to make. A automata with
the help of master Phone or an automata made with the help
of a language ?"
master who wrote automata then replied: "With the help of
sage luser was disapointed and exclaimed: "But, with master
Phone you do not need to know anything about the soil of IRC.
Is not that the easiet way ?"
really" said the master who wrote automata, "when using master
Phone you are closed inside a box. For sure, it is a great
box for the lusers, but the master will need more power, thus
a language is the only path to go. With the language the master
will never have to limit himself. When using such a language
the master will seek the best between the need and the availibility."
see", said the sage luser.
is the essence of Tao of IRC automatas.
client should be light and be used for communication. The
spirit of a good client is that it should be very convinient
for the luser to use, but hard for the luser who want to create
automata. There should never ever be too many functions or
too few functions.
should always be a ignore.
ignore the client is not within the Tao of Chating.
client should always respond the luser with messages that
will not astnonish him too much. The server likewise. If the
server does not, then it is the clients job to explain what
the server says.
client which fails this, will be useless and cause confusion
for the lusers. The only way to correct this is to use another
client or to write a new one.
luser asked the masters on #IrcHelp: "My client does not work".
The masters replied: "Upgrade your client". The luser then
wondered why the master knew. The master then told him about
client does not work beaucse it does not understand the server.
Why should it always work ? Only a fool would expect such.
But, clients are made by humans, and humans are not perfect.
Only Tao is.
luser came to the masters of #IrcHelp, asking about the Tao
of IRC within the client. The masters then said that the Tao
of IRC always lies inside the client regardless of how the
client connects to the server.
master then was quiet for a long time and said. "Please leave,
such questions are not within the Tao of IRC".
master says: "Without the Protocol of TCP the messages will
not travel. Without the client, the server is useless."
once was a luser who used the ircII client. "ircII can do
anything I ever need for using IRC" said the emacs client
user, "I have /ON's, I have assignments, I have aliasing.
Why don't you use this instead of the huge emacs client, which
also has a messy screen?" The emacs client user then replied
by saying that "it is better to have a scripting language
that is the client instead of have a client that has a scripting
language." Upon hearing this, the ircII client luser fell
master Wumpus said: "Time for you to leave. I did, now I'm
happy." The master Gnarfer replied: "Use, but never overuse
IRC, then you will also be happy within IRC"
luser came unto the masters of #EU-Opers and asked, "How can
I be, yet not be, a user@host within the IRC?" The masters
of #EU-Opers replied: "To be Tao is to be ones true self.
To hide ones self is not Tao, and is not IRC, you have much
to learn before you shall be at rest within the Flow of Irc.
Ruben R Olsen